Moon Stomp Awesome Films of Awesomeness
by K. J. Pitre
Summary: After the boys watch an indie film, and realize how much it sucks, they realize they could make one even better!
1. As the Rose Pedal Falls

**Moon Stomp Awesome**

**Films of Awesomeness**

Good evening. My name is Fitzwilliam, and I shall be your narrator. That's right. All you have to do is picture a South Park adult with a red silk fancy rich-like housecoat on in front of a fire with one of those South Park funny English accents. There you go... Now just imagine it. Now make it so that I'm holding a pipe, or perhaps a glass of fine red wine. Do I have black leather shoes or do I have burgendy slippers? Am I sitting in a soft arm chair, or on top of my monkey slave with an especially large right testicle? It's not my choice, but it is you, the viewer's. I'll let you imagine it now. Don't continue to read until you have suited a perfect narrator... And make sure you imagine the narrator is speaking ONLY when you see the text in _**bold italics.**_

_**Very good. Now let's get this story begun, shall we, mnyes? Mnyes, indeed...**_

_**One afternoon in the chilly mountain town of South Park, Colorado, it was Friday. And you all know what Friday nights mean! Movies! In fact, every weekend the 'Bijou Cinemas' had the most business from children 8-18. Kids would come in with money in their pocket just itching to see the new slasher. There was only one show showing every week, so anyone who lived there had to make it count. Normally the boys, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Eric Cartman, wouldn't see a movie like the one that was in this week, but it was an especially boring and shitty rainy day, so they had no where else to turn for any source of entertainment.**_

The boys are shown running on their way to the 'Bijou' in the pouring rain.

"Slow down, you guys!" Cartman shouted at the back running his chubby little legs off.

"We can't slow down, Cartman!" Stan called back. "We're almost there!"

"Guys, I'm serious, here! You gotta wait up!"

"We're getting soaked, fat ass!" Kyle shouted, not willing to get even more wet to help someone he barely liked.

Finally they got to the theatre. They all ran underneath the lights, away from the rain.

"Can I help you?" The clerk asked in his windowed box.

Stan walked up to the box and stood on his toes handing the man twenty dollars. "I need four tickets to 'As the Rose Pedal Falls,' please."

The clerk stared right into the 9-year-old's little face. "You... You what?"

"I wanna see the movie."

"Are you positive?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You realize that 'Rose Pedal' is a chick flick."

"It is?" Stan asked realizing they had run in the rain for a chick flick.

"Ya... You still wanna see this movie?"

"I dunno. Kyle?"

"I don't care, dude," Kyle responded.

"NO!" Cartman shouted. He ran up to the box and grabbed the clerk's shirt from under the glass and pulling so that his face was right up against the glass. "I did NOT come all this way to be told that a movie is for girls! I am bored as FUCK right now, and if I don't get my entertainment..." He closed in the the clerk's face; whispering almost. "... I will feed you your own shit... personally."

The clerk pushed a button and 4 tickets pushed out of a slot.

"Why, thank you very much," Cartman thanked normally, taking the tickets.

_**Inside the theatre, viewers from all over the town are getting set in their seats ready to watch the newest film. What lie in store for these four brave adventurers? Only time shall tell.**_

The movie began to roll. The screen went black. The words "Sundance Film Festival award winner" slid across the screen.

"... What?" Cartman asked in confusion.

"Dude, what's wrong?" Kyle asked.

"Sundance Film Festival? ... Sundance BUTTHOLE Film Festival?!"

"What's the Sundance FIlm Festival?" Kenny asked.

"They're all a bunch of independant films. They try to be deep and meaningful with their shaking cameras and their black and white dramatic shots of the main character walking on the beach or sitting in a lawn chair or autumn leaves falling!"

"I think that's pretty cool." said Stan.

"Yeah." Kyle agreed.

"Maybe not all indie films are the same, Cartman."

"You think so?" Cartman asked, angrily. "Wait, you'll see."

The screen was black and white. A character was lying in bed naked with loose white sheets across her body. She has rose pedals all over her body and the bed and she is tracing her face with the stem of the rose. The thorns slit the surface of the skin letting small black beads of blood trickle down her cheek along with a tear. _"Without him... I am nothing... There _is_ nothing."_

"Oh, you see?" said a man to his friend. "She doesn't care about cutting her face because she has obviously lost the love of her life."

"Wow," responded the friend. "That's deep."

"Do you see?" asked Cartman. "DO YOU SEE?!"

"Dude," Stan began. "What the hell is this crap?"

"I need color... It's bugging me." Kyle commented.

The lady pulled the sheets to her breasts as she walked along her hardwood floor. She twisted a dial on her stereo delecately and layed on the floor next to one of the speakers. The stereo plays soft piano; the music is sombre. _"I listened to this song 57 times exactly, this being 58. I listen to this song because there are no words. No soul. No heart. Yet... so much more."_ Another tear rolled down her face.

"This movie reminds me of _my_ hardships in love," a woman said to her husband. "It's so touching, I must continue to watch. Hold me, darling." He did.

"Dude, screw this!" Kenny shouted.

"Yeah!" Stan and Kyle agreed.

The four boys hoped off of their seats and walked out of the door.

"Dude, that sucked ass!" complained Stan.

"I know, right?" Cartman asked.

Kyle stood in front of the box where the clerk was. "Excuse me?"

"Yes?" the clerk asked.

"Umm, I'm sorry to say this, but, um. That movie sucked balls. Like, REALLY big balls."

"What?!" The clerk shreiked. "How could you say that? That film won awards!"

"Oh yeah? What awards?!"

"Well... You know... Those awards that you never hear about... I'm pretty sure they're legit, though..." His voice trailed.

"Sir," Kyle began. "Coming from ME, this will mean a WHOLE lot... That was a gay, faggy, dick-bashing queery heap of anal puss..."

Stan smiled. "Dude!"

"There..." Kyle said walking away, rejoining his friends. "I said it."

"Ah, screw him, Kyle, let's go." Stan said. And they did.

On their way back to their houses, it didn't get any more rainy. They boys had to result to pulling their jackets over their heads.

"Man, this rain sucks." Stan said.

"Totally." Kyle chimed in.

Cartman began to laugh. The others looked back at him. "What's so funny?" asked Kenny.

"I was just thinking," Cartman chuckled. "This could be the perfect setting for one of those movies."

"Yeah?" Stan asked.

"Totally." Cartman said. "We could record it starting from the street light." His voice began to become delicate. His hands were his imaginary view of the camera, capturing every shot with his glove-covered palms. "The image slowly crosses from the stars to the streets and into the sewers... And we hear a voice saying... _softly_... 'The waters of my life flow ever so gently across the river and into the stream of light... As time goes by the rocks of love erode... As does my time... My precious... precious time.'" He looked back at the boys who were staring.

"Dude," Stan said. "How many people see those stupid films?"

"Millions." Cartman said. "Millions of snobby people who sip black coffee in New York city in their fancy lofts with exposed brick. People who wear unneeded glasses with thick brims on the tip of their noses and wear brown turtle necks and sit in bean bag chairs and bring lap tops to Starbucks to write novels!" Cartman was getting angry.

"Dude!" Stan shouted amazed.

"What?" Kyle asked.

"We could totally pull this off!"

"We could?"

"Of course we could! Millions of people watch this shit! If we can amp up the romance and the modern furniture and the Starbucks part, we could totally rake in millions of dollars!"

"Dude, that's an awesome idea!"

"What do you say Kenny?!"

"Whatever." Kenny responded.

"Cartman?" Kyle asked. "You in?"

Eric stood there; stone-faced. "I am in like a fag in a Cher concert."

"HEY!"


	2. Rakan From Silver Diamond

The following day, at the Marsh house, Stan was pacing in his living room waiting for that knock on the door.

"Come, on already," he said to himself impatiently, pacing on the carpet. "Get your asses here..."

And there it was. The doorbell run and Stan ran to it at full speed. He opened it and saw his super best friend Kyle with a tripod and a camera.

"I came as soon as I could." Kyle said smiling, but panting fiercely at the same time.

"That's all I needed to hear," Stan said letting his friend in and closing the door behind them. "What took you so long?"

"I had to look all over in my attic for a camera."

"Oh, okay."

"And Stan?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell Cartman I was in an attic. He'll make an Anne Frank crack."

"Oh... Sure thing, dude."

"Thanks." He smiled and placed his stuff down.

"Dude," Stan said. "Don't put it down, we gotta get going outside soon."

"Stan," Kyle began. "Try not to hold your breath while waiting for Cartman's fat ass."

Stan paused. "... Good point."

He plopped his little butt on his couch and turned on the TV. Kyle joined him. Stan was flipping through when he noticed an interesting new report. He stopped.

_"Fresh new indie film 'As the Rose Pedal Falls' as been acclaimed one of the best movies of the summer."_ The news anchor, Jock Fullaballs reported. _"Critics all over North America are raving. Some say it may have the ability to stand up against other films of its type such as 'Juno,' and 'The Savages.' Could this be the new blockbuster that overcomes 'Dark Knight?' Find out more at 11."_

"I can't believe it!" Stan shouted chucking his remote to the ground.

"What a load of bull shit!" Kyle agreed. Cartman ran in.

"You guys!" He shouted running in, closing the door behind him, out of breath. "Did you see the news?!"

"Yeah, we... did, Cartman." Stan said. "But... You did to? ... from your house? ... just now?"

"No, I was watching through the window."

Kyle leaned in towards Stan. "You know you're a creeper when."

They laughed.

"EH!"

Kenny followed through the door. "Let's get started before the sun goes down!"

"Kenny's right," Stan agreed. "The darker it gets, the colder it gets. Let's go."

The boys ran outside and into a forest. All the trees are dead. Dead trees dramatic effect. But the thing was, the boys couldn't make it too indie film-ish, or else even THEY wouldn't enjoy it. The stood there waiting for Stan to tell them what to do.

"Okay," Stan began. "Here's what we're going to do. The scene is going to open up with... umm..." He thought, putting his index finger on his chin, looking at the slushy snow as if their next instruction were hidding in the icy liquid mix.

"Yes?" Kyle urged on.

"Um..."

"Dude, didn't you write the script?"

"Yeah, I did." He said pulling it out. "It's right here."

"Ugh, _this_ is why white boys write the script and not direct!" Cartman complained. "I vote Kyle to direct!"

Kyle turned to Eric, not insulted, but almost flattered. "Why?" he asked.

"Well, I'm sure you got that Steven Spielberg blood in you, or something."

"Godammit, Cartman!" Kyle shouted. "I am not blood related to Steven friggen Spielberg!"

"Well, Stan sure as hell can't do it."

"Then _you_ do it! I don't wanna be a director!"

"Me?"

"Yeah!"

Stan stepped in. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys, I don't wanna be in front of that camera."

"Why not, dude?" asked Kyle

"I'm... Well, I'm not really camera friendly."

They, of course, had no idea what exactly 'camera friendly' meant. Kenny shrugged and began to set up the tripod.

"What do you mean 'camera friendly'?" Kyle asked.

"I can't act, dude, I completly suck!"

"You mean like Kyle does at sucking weiner?" Eric asked.

"Shut up, Cartman!!"

Stan pleaded. "Come on, dude. You can't let me go in front of that camera. I'll ruin the whole film!"

"Okay, okay. You can direct, okay? Frankly I don't care."

"Kay, thanks." He looked out to his cast and crew of three. "Alright, guys, let's start this thing!"

Stan reached into his back pack and began pulling out lots of paper. Each page scribbled with ideas and characters and bios and whatnot. He handed out everyone what they needed. "Okay, everyone look it over and tell me what you think."

"This script is pretty solid," Kyle complimented.

"Thanks."

"EH!" Cartman shouted. "How come my character's bio reads 'enormously fat loud mouth scalper'?"

"... Because you're... fat?"

The others laughed.

"EH! I will _not_ be made a fool of, here!"

"Cartman, just used the damn script! It took me all night to write it!"

Cartman began to walk somewhere else mumbling God-knows-what. Probably about Stan and his stupid hat.

"Okay!" Stan said. "I want everyone to memorize what they have to say. Let's get filming!"

They just began to film. The sun was going down, but it only enhanced the romance scene. That's what they were filming at the time. It began with the character Lyle, that was Kyle's character, who is in the middle of a break-up with his partner, Derick Heartman, that's Cartman's character. Kyle held up the script below his waist so that the camera couldn't see.

"Why can't you just say it, Derick?!" Kyle shouted dramatically. He acted brilliantly, and he never overdid it. "You drag me all the way out here, and for what?! I said WHAT?!"

"I can't say," Cartman said turning away so that his chocolate eyes could be caught by the sun set. This was his time to shine. "I... need more time."

"Time for what?" Kyle asked with tears swelling up in his eyes. Stan raised an eye from the camera to see if Kyle was crying. He was. This was gold. Kyle could cry on demand whenever he wanted. This got his a shit load of things from his parents.

"Time for..."

Stan stared at Cartman waiting for him to finish his line. "Come on, Cartman!" he whispered.

"Time for... _love?!_" Cartman threw down his script and shot the most evil glare at Stan. "What the FUCK?!"

"Come on, Cartman!" Stan fought. "It's one small scene!"

"You didn't tell me I was gay with Kyle!"

"You're not! You fall in love with a girl in scene 28."

"I can't wait that long, Godammit!!"

"Dude," Kyle said. "It's just a line. It doesn't have to mean anything."

"Oh, shut up, Jew-fag!"

"Shut the hell up, Cartman!!"

"Guys!" Stan shouted. "This isn't making anything any better. Let's just see how it looks, and if there's time, we can tweak a few things. Let's go!"

"Fine," Cartman mumbled. He returned to his romantic voice. "Time for... love."

"Love?" Kyle asked turning away as well with dramatic shock on his face.

Cartman looked at Kyle and put his hand on his shoulder. "That's all I ask of you."

Kyle looked at Eric. "Only if you do one thing for me."

"What's that?" Eric asked almost whispering.

"Only if you..." Kyle widened his eyes at the script. "_KISS ME?!_ What the hell, Stan?!"

"I'm sorry, Kyle," explained Stan, not knowing what to say. "I just figured all gay guys liked to kiss _all_ guys."

"That's not true, you idiot!"

"Well, it's in the script!"

"I'm not kissing any guy here unless it's Rakan from Silver Diamond!"

"Who?!"

"Ugh, never mind! I'm not kissing this asshole and that's it!"

"Well, what do you want me to do?!"

"Um... I don't know, anything! Get someone else to dress up as him!"

"Well, I'm directing and Kenny's on camera two!"

"Yeah!" Kenny said muffled.

Kyle grunted and clenched his fists.

"Great!" Stan said throwing his hat on the ground. "Where are we gonna get an actor to kiss Kyle at the last minute?!"

Suddenly, as if it were a sign from God, a silver-white limo drove down the street and stopped in front of the forest. The boys turned around and spotted the limo. Who the hell was it? Was it a celebrity? Not a lot of celebrities come to South Park ever since Cartman started shit with Jennifer Lopez. They boys walked slowly closer to the limo awaiting the passenger to come out. A click was herd and the boys flinched. It was the car handle. It opened. Out he came, wearing black slacks and a slighty open black dress shirt with sunglasses and raven-hair.

"Oh my God!" Stan shouted. "It's..."


	3. Let me be Your Crowbar

_**PREVIOUSLY ON "SOUTH PARK"...**_

_**Suddenly, as if it were a sign from God, a silver-white limo drove down the street and stopped in front of the forest. The boys turned around and spotted the limo. Who the hell was it? Was it a celebrity? Not a lot of celebrities come to South Park ever since Cartman started shit with Jennifer Lopez. The boys walked slowly closer to the limo awaiting the passenger to come out. A click was herd and the boys flinched. It was the car handle. It opened. Out he came, wearing black slacks and a slighty open black dress shirt with sunglasses and raven-hair.**_

"Oh my God!" Stan shouted. "It's Keanu Reeves!"

"Holy fuck, dude," Cartman said in awe with his jaw open.

"Hey kids," Keanu said looking out into the sun, not looking at the boys. He was very monotone and vague. Almost emptyheaded. "I heard that you were in need of a movie star for some guy-on-guy action."

"It's not guy-on-guy action, Mr. Reeves," commented Mr. Marsh. "It's a simple tender kiss."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, you see, my friend, er, professional co-star Kyle Broflovski has to kiss professional fatass..."

"EH!"

"... Eric J. Cartman, and Kyle doesn't want to kiss him. Completely understandable."

"Shut up!" Cartman shouted again. "I am a professional actor, and if Kyle can't handle that I'm gonna kick him square in the nuts!"

"Shut up, Cartman. Kyle doesn't wanna kiss you cause you're a fat asshole."

"That's not true." Eric responded calmly. "My mom says that I have the lips of a delicate angel."

"... with oral herpies?"

They all laughed. Cartman, naturally, was not amused. "Well, screw you guys, I am going..."

"No, Cartman!" Kyle shouted. "You're _not_ going home this time!"

"... Godammit..."

They were back on the set. Stan was in his blue director's chair with a mega phone and a blue barette with a red poof ball on top. He was behind the main camera and Kenny was behind camera two. Stan flexed his legs and arched his back to make himself seem slightly taller to his cast.

"Alright, everyone!" the director announced. "Let's take it back to the beginning of scene 3. We'll start with Derick's line of 'I can't say...' Aaaand..."

"I can't say," Keanu said. "I..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Keanu, what the hell?!" Stan yelled standing up on his chair.

"But, you said to take it back from my line," Keanu responded quite stone faced. Not on purpose, probably, just because it's Keanu Reeves.

"Yes, I did, but we need to wait for the black and white clicky thingy."

"Oh."

"Okay. Kenny, we need you to click the scene open."

Kenny grabbed the white and black clicker from the snow and stepped away from his camera. He stuck it out in front of the camera.

"Totally Awesome Indie film, scene 3, take 3, marker," Kenny said muffled, then clicking the clicker.

"Aaannd..."

"I can't say," Keanu said again. "I..."

"Stop!" Stan yelled. He slumped in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Keanu... buddy... What the hell, man?..."

"But... You clicked the clickity click-click." Keanu protested making a scissor motion with his fingers, looking very confused.

"Yes, I know," Stan replied then opening his eyes. "But you have to wait until I say action. The actor ALWAYS has to WAIT until I say _ACTION_!!"

"Stan, Stan, Stan," Kyle said rushing to his friend, rubbing his arms so that he would calm down. "You can't get so worked up over stuff like this."

"I know, but Jesus, Kyle!" Stan protested. "He's a Hollywood actor! Doesn't he know what he's doing? He was in the freaking Matrix!!"

"I know he was," Kyle responded after a deep breath. "But... Dude... It's Keanu Reeves."

"I KNOW! He should at least..."

"No, you don't understand," Kyle said with a 'seriously, dude' tone. "It's Keanu Reeves."

Stan looked at his Hollywood actor and noticed he was bent down poking and prodding a newly made cow stool, then sniffing his finger and rubbing them together to examine the texture. Stan looked back at his friend with a 'do you see?' face.

"Yyyyeah, you're right."

And with that, Kyle smiled and went back to his spot. He tossed back his locks, now straightened for his role. Although it was straightened, it was still slightly wavy.

"Okay," Stan began regaining composure. "You ready Keanu?"

"Yes, sir," he answered. "Wait for the clickity-clack, and the action."

"Thank you," Stan said to himself with a sigh of relief and a smile. "Alright, Kenny, let's click."

Kenny steps in front of the camera with the clicker.

"Totally Awesome Indie film, scene 3, take 3, marker," he said, then clicking.

"Annnd... Action!"

_**The scene began, but this time, they were more passionate then ever. Kyle had always imagined kissing a real movie star, but not this one. At first, he never wanted to kiss this loser, but once he was in front of him all tall and tall-like, he couldn't resist his beautifully sculpted face. It were almost as if his face were carved by-**_

"Um, excuse me?" Stan said. "Who the hell are you?"

_**Why, I am the narrator.**_

"A narrator?"

_**Indeed.**_

"Dude, we don't need a narrator for this story."

_**But, of **_**course**_** you do! Don't be foolish, child.**_

"Hey, I'm not a child! I'm 9!"

_**You need me, son, there is no doubt about that.**_

"Stan?" Kyle said. "Who the hell is this guy?"

"Some narrator," Stan answered.

_**You must be **_**Kyle**_**. Delighted to meet you. I am the narrator. I have been following your lifes story ever since you-**_

"JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!"

_**Oh... Well, then... I can see when I'm not wanted... I **_**will**_** be back...**_

The boys waited...

"Is he gone?" Cartman asked.

"... I think so," Kyle answered. "Alright, Stan, let's just continue."

Kenny returned to the camera with the clicker.

"Totally Awesome Indie film, scene 3, take 4, marker," he clicked.

"Action!"

"Why can't you just say it, Derick?!" Kyle shouted. "You drag me all the way out here, and for what?! I said WHAT?!"

"I can't say," Keanu said. It didn't seem like he was acting. He just had his regular face. Was he not acting, or was he acting his entire life out? Stan couldn't tell, and he couldn't care any less. "I... need more time."

"Time for what?" Kyle asked, crying again.

"Time for... love."

"Oh, Derick," Kyle said looking straight into Keanu Reeve's eyes. "Don't you go on saying you love me. That door has been closed for years, now, and there's no use unlocking it."

Keanu bent down to Kyle's level. "Then let me be your crowbar."

That was all Kyle needed. Of course, Kyle had never stage kissed, so he didn't know how to go on with this. He simply puckered his lips and leaned forward. Keanu, on the other hand, had kissed for the camera many times. He clenched Kyle by his little arms and brought his head straight for his mouth. Keanu's tounge explored every inch of Kyle's mouth and the little boy couldn't do anything about it. He was shoved into the slush, into a tree, onto a mound of stones, and back onto the snow, every bit of his lips and teeth being caressed by this actor's tounge.

"HOLY SHIT, DUDE!" Stan screamed.

"Jesus Christ!" Cartman shouted. "Kyle's being molested by Keanu FUCKING Reeves!"

Finally, Keanu let go of Kyle's small body and let him fall to the ground.

"Sorry, babe," Keanu said walking away. "I just needed to let that go before I die."

"Cut..." Stan said with his mouth open.

The scene was perfect, Stan didn't lie, but with such passion, he wasn't sure if Kyle actually lived through the entire experience. Slowly, Kyle got up. They all stared and waited for him to say something. Kyle wiped the saliva off his mouth with his arm and swayed back and forth trying to regain mental health.

"I might need to lay down for a moment," Kyle said dizzily with an enormous smile on his little face.


	4. Do You Have Any 'Chex'

**_The next day, since it was the weekend, the boys all got up extra early to continue their movie. Hell, if they kept at it for a good 5-6 hours, they could very well complete it! Nothing could stop them! Well, nothing except for one thing..._**

**_Stan found himself smacking the top of his alarm clock. He opened his eyes and caught a visual of the red blinking lights that taunted '8:00.' He got up and dragged his feet on the carpet on his way out of his bedroom door. As he stepped downstairs, he heard noises. There were two voices. Probably his mom and dad, although they sounded both like guys. Maybe it was his dad Randy and Uncle Jimbo. He couldn't tell._**

"I said shut up, you British piece of crap!" Stan shouted.

**_Fuck you!_**

"No, fuck you!"

He walked into the kitchen and noticed Keanu Reeves was still here. Did he spend the night? He didn't care, really. He stared at him drinking coffee with unnecessary sunglasses on staring at what seemed to the top right window pane to the outside porch. Frankly, Stan was just hungry. He jumped on top of the counter and reached for the cupboard. That's where the cereal was. He was feeling Rice Crispies. He opened and there he saw a tiny many all crunched up. Once he noticed he had been spotted, he stared Stan right in the eyes.

"Do you have any Chex?" it asked.

Stan shrieked. He landed on his back on the linoleum floor and screamed for his life pointing directly at the tiny face of the cupboard-bound abomination.

"Whoa," Keanu Reeves said standing up. "What seems to be the matter, small child?"

"What the fuck is that thing?!" Stan shouted still pointing at it.

"That?" Mr. Reeves asked. "Why, that's Verne Troyer."

"Verne Troyer?!" Stan yelled. He took a closer look at the creature in his creature, who was now muching on Captain Crunch. "M... Mini-Me?"

Kyle, though he was also very devoted to the film, had to get in his 9+ hours of sleep. He didn't want to be bothered with an alarm clock. However, it was the telephone in his room that woke him up. Kyle jotled up from what seemed to be a good dream and stared coldly at the ringing phone. He walked over to his desk drowsily to pick it up.

"Godammit..." he said to himself having been awoken. He picked up the phone and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with his little fist. "Hello?"

"Dude!" Stan barked at the other end.

"Stan?" asked Kyle, now fully awake. "Dude what's wrong? Calm down!"

"It's Mini-Me!"

"... Mini-Me?"

"Yeah, dude!"

"The guy from Austin Powers?"

"Yeah!"

"... Aaannd... What about him?"

"He's in my house!"

"What, do you mean your watching him on TV or did some drunk kid waltz in dressed up?"

"No! The guy! Verne Troyer! He's in my house! I think Keanu Reeves brought him over!"

"What?! Are you serious? Dude, if Verne Troyer is in our movie, that would be awesome! He would be such a step forward for the Moon Stomp Awesome Films of Awesomeness!"

"It's not just... wait, what?"

"What?"

"What did you call our film company?'

"Well, you know... Instead of Sun Dance... Moon Stomp... Get it? ..."

"... Yeah... But seriously, try getting a part for all the other actors here."

"The _other_ actors?"

Kyle ran as far as his little legs could carry him. He jolted into the door without knocking and right into Stan's back yard where Cartman and Kenny were already. Kyle stopped in his tracks and saw what he never thought he would ever see. He saw a bunch of Hollywood actors all bunched up in Stan's back yard.

"What the hell is going on?" Kyle asked simply amazed.

"I don't know!" Stan said.

The boys could see a bunch of actors that they already knew. They saw Shia LaBeouf, Ben Afleck, Sylvester Stalone, Charlie Sheen, Adam Sandler, Ice Cube, Matt Damon, and David Caruso. They didn't know what to do, but they knew that their cast list wasn't big enough to fit all of these Hollywood actors.

"Um, Mr. Reeves?" Stan asked to the crowd of celebrities.

"Yes?" Keanu Reeves replied stepping out.

"Um... What the hell is this?"

"Well, you need to make your movie, so I called these professional actors over."

"Wha... P-professional actors?"

"Yes, indeed."

"But... Keanu... These guys all SUCK!"

"Wh... What?" Keanu was deeply offended. Almost as if Stan had spat in the face of each and every one of his children. Each and every one of his rather talentless children. "How dare you say such a thing?"

"No one likes any of you! Charlie Sheen acts like he's such a hot shot in that stupid show with that little fat kid, just like Adam Sandler in all of his movies! David Caruso has the face of a date rapist and couldn't act on that stupid CSI: Miami show if his life depended on it!"

All of the actors look at each other in shock.

"And where do I start with Ice Cube?!" he continued. "You rap! You're good at it! Stick to it! No one liked u in Triple X Two, or Are We There Yet! You can barely understand a single fucking thing Sylvester Stalone says and it was not needed for another movie of Rambo OR Rocky! No one's going to take Shia LaBeouf seriously, EVER, and Ben Af... God... I don't even need to say anything about that guy."

Even the actors nodded. They all did except for Kyle who was staring at his best friend almost in horror. He couldn't believe what he did. Sure, Kyle thought the same thing about everyone, but Stan was in such a fit of anger, he didn't think Stan thought any of what he said through.

"Dude," Kyle said putting his hand on his shoulder. "It's okay. I know you're..."

"Shut up, Kyle!"

Stan stormed to his director's chair and left Kyle behind.

"Matt Damon, you're playing the role of Lyle. Places, people!"

Kenny and Cartman took their places behind their cameras and Kyle sat on the porch and realized that he had just been removed from the production, just like that. Just when Cartman was grabbing the edges of his camera, he looked to his right and noticed Kyle looking as lonely as ever. He slowly joined the boy.

"Kyle," he began. "I'm sorry about what happened, but... Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, ha! You're not in a mo-vie! You have been repla-aced by fucking Matt Da-mon! Na-na-na-na-na, na!"

Then he left and went back to his post behind camera 3. Kenny did his clickity thingy and went back to his camera.

"Action!" Stan announced, still a bit hot from his outburst.

_**As the acting continued, Kyle buried his face in his folded arms on his knees and simply waited for the world to end, having lost his best friend to the glitz and glamour of Hollywood. Suddenly, Kyle herd hooves behind him. He looked out to the street and saw what looked like a Korean, Oriental designed wagon with jade dragons panted on the smooth black side. Who was this? That question will be answered...**_

_**... Right now.**_

Out of the horse-dragged four-wheeled box came an Asian man. He had what looked like a very expensive outfit on.

"Oh, herro," he greeted.

"Uh... Hi?" Kyle greeted back. "Um. Who are you?"

"Oh, me? Why, I amma gweat Shim Hyung-rae."

"... Who?"

"I diwrecka Dwagon War!"

"You directed D-War?"

"Oh, yes."

"Dude, that movie sucked ass."

"You shutta rittre mouth, 'mewican boy!" Shim got angry. "Whewe is diwector?"

"Over there," Kyle pointed.

Shim and his crew men ran up to Stan in his chair. Mr. Hyung-rae had no hesitations into trying to get Stan into letting him use his set.

"Oh, herro, rittre boy," he greeted, the same way he did a minute ago.

"Hello?" Stan said, not knowing who this guy was.

"Imma Shim Hyung-rae. I diwrecka Dwagon War. Ia makea sequar in 2012. I use your set, now. Goodbye."

Shim and his crew took ahold of the camera, and added some new ones as he pushed Stan out of the chair.

"Hey!" Stan complained wiping the snow off of his jacket. "You can't just take control of our indie film!"

"Whachu gonna do, rittre boy?" Shin taunted. "Dwagon War 2 wirr be bigga and betta than eva, hokay?"

Stan watched as his empire was torn away from him just like that, in the blink of an eye.

"Everything I worked for..." Stan said to himself as his friends gathered behind him. "Everything I did... Gone..."

"It's okay, Stan," Kenny comforted.

"Yeah, man," Cartman said. "You were being a douche anyway.

Stan turned around and looked at his friend.

"I'm sorry, Kyle," he apologized. "I know I've been a lousy best friend."

"It's okay, Stan, I know you didn't mean it," Kyle said. "But you know what? I've learned something today. If we all do something that we know we're good at, we can't let it go to our heads, or else we become assholes like Shin Hyung-rae or Michael Bay."

"Yeah!" Stan agreed. "Come on guys, if we hurry we can catch the new Terrance & Philippe."

The boys hurried inside.

It's the opening of Dragon Wars 2. The boys are front row. I'm sure any of them would like to see how the new sequel of the year would turn out since it was filmed in their own back yard. It's in the middle of the movie, and two dragons are fighting with fire breath and razor-sharp teeth and all that other shit, but the boys are laughing their asses off.

"Dude!" Stan laughed, crying now. "This movie sucks!"

"I know!" Cartman replied, laughing on the floor. "What a fucking fag!"

All the boys laughed throughout the entire movie. It was the comedy of the century!


End file.
